Easier to Run
by Astaldotholwen
Summary: [ One Shot ] Every year the Islanders celebrate Sora's birthday in order to honour his memory. What happens when one Islander can't take these celebrations any longer? [ Warning: There is incredibly mature content within this fic regarding death ]


Title: Easier to Run

Written By: Astaldothôlwen

Point Of View: Kairi

Disclaimer: Anything you even remotely recognize, well, the chances are really good that I don't own it. So that rules out me owning Kingdom Hearts or even Linkin Park's song '_Easier to Run_.'

_It's easier to run,   
Replacing this pain with something more,   
It's so much easier to go,   
Than face all this pain here all alone,_

I'm your typical girl. I've loved and I've lost. Isn't it funny how cruel fate can seem? When you have had pure bliss and warmth envelope your heart when he looks at you; life is worth living isn't it? Yeah, that's how I felt every time he looked at me. And then he left; and so did the warmth.

_Something has been taken from deep inside of me,  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see,  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away,  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played,_

Even as the time goes by, it's still hard to think of things that happened so long ago you know? There are skeletons in our closets, _all_ of our closets. I have my share of secrets as I am sure you have yours. We all have thoughts and memories which we have suppressed over the years. Humans are pathetic wouldn't you say? We are so emotionally weak it is truly pathetic. We sit there crying and to the untrained eye we act as though it's the end of the world.

We've all felt this way. We've all felt like our worlds have crashed upon us. We've all felt like there was no hope that life was cruel and there was absolutely no way of escaping its evil hands. We've all loved and lost. Even if this person was a friend, a family member or a lover; we've all loved and lost something precious in our lives.

I thought that maybe the fates would have been nice to me. My experience throughout Kingdom Hearts was hell. My heart was ripped from my body; I lived within Sora's body. My friend Riku gave himself into the Darkness thinking it would benefit me; he was changed into a completely different person. Yet fate is cruel as I said, and this was not the only hardships that I would endure. No, I was fated for something more.

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would,  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,  
I would take all my shame to the grave_,

I found myself growing distant from everyone. Our friendships still remain, I still talk to Selphie, Wakka and Tidus, and however there is an unspoken bond which unites us all. Ever since I returned to the Islands, I could see it in all their eyes; I could read the expressions on their faces. They pitied me. Did I want their pity? No. I wanted their comfort. Sora and Riku were their friends too.

It's almost hard to remember what life was like when everything was normal; when life wasn't changed by Kingdom Hearts. But, no one understands and now I just sit there on Riku's Island underneath the Paopu Tree. I've been so tempted to take one off the tree, to feel the smooth skin of the fruit; I long to caress the star shaped fruit under my fingers. I often wonder if the leaves are as soft as they appear, or if they are coarse and stiff.

_It's easier to run,   
Replacing this pain with something more,   
It's so much easier to go,   
Than face all this pain here all alone,_

As always, my imagination gets to the worst of me, I never touch the Paopu; I worry that it will jinx Sora's return. I would hate for him to come back under horrid circumstances because I touched the Paopu Fruit. Am I over exaggerating? Am I worried over something that is so played up in my mind that I'm letting it get to the best of me?

Maybe?

Most likely.

Oh I don't even know myself; I'm just so worried that I'm going to disappoint him. I'm worried that when he returns he won't be happy with me. I worry that he will sneer at me and will leave me to die alone on the Destiny Islands. Without him these Islands are a prison on water; the water is so claustrophobic; it feels as though it is a cage that is getting smaller and smaller. The walls are slowly closing in on me; my will to live is slowly diminishing.

_Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past,  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have,  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back,  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path,_

I worry that Sora won't be pleased about how I've changed. It has been many years since he has left us and I worry that if he ever returns that he won't love me. I love him more than anything, and I worry that he will no longer love me. I've been instilled with this fear; these thoughts grace my mind each and every day.

Every day I cling on to those simple words;

'_I'll come back to you! I promise_!'

Promises. Promises are meant for one thing; to be broken.

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would,  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,  
I would take all my shame to the grave_,

So what is there to tell you my fateful friends? I have been deceived. I've loved and my feelings have gone unrequited. The water is filling all around me, the walls are closing in. My thoughts will once again go unheard and I can no longer stand it. I've waited so long for you to come to me: my thread of hope has been snapped. How many long years would I have to sit here and wait for you? How many long hours would I cry silently to myself before my river of tears would bring you to dry them off my face?

How long is too long Sora? Can't you answer my questions?

_Just watching in the sun,  
All of my helplessness inside,  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced,  
It's so much simpler to change_,

My musings go unheard for the last time tonight. My broken spirit can no longer take it. I can hear the voices downstairs. It's your birthday today Sora; every year we have thrown a party for you; every year we would wait for you to come barging through that door with a cheesy smile on your face apologizing for being fashionably late for your own party. This year, _I_ will not wait. This year, I will sit in an eternal solitude where no voices can bother me.

The voices are getting more distant, more blurred as the water fills. My lungs are burning and my head is aching however I can't take it anymore. An eternal slumber is the only way my soul can be set free of its confines. I can hear someone shouting; but my eyes refuse to see. I can barely make out an image; there is a girl in yellow, her heart is crying to me; her face is pained. The world is starting to slow down; I can feel the faint images fade away.

The warmth of my body is fleeting; my hands are paling; my skin is turning into an unhealthy white.

_It's easier to run,   
Replacing this pain with something numb,   
It's so much easier to go,   
Than face all this pain here all alone_,

Please don't cry over me; this is what I wish for. I know longer wish to live and be disappointed. Sora was the one I loved, without him; I have nothing to live for. I cannot open my eyes; however I can feel someone lifting me out of the tub, cutting the duct tape which bound my arms. Someone is blowing air into my burning lungs and I can feel the water rising in my throat. My body is begging me to release the water from my lungs. Why can't I have died in peace? It's Sora's birthday however I'm only going to be disappointed once more. If there were one present I could receive it would be a kiss from the man I loved.

Straining my eyes open, I can see everyone crowding my tiny, scarred body. Why must they gawk at my injuries; for once fate was going to steal my life away at night; for once I would not be salvaged. I locked the door and taped my hands together to make sure death would steal me away tonight; however that was not to be.  
  
_It's easier to run,  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made,  
It's easier to go,_

We have gone to the downstairs portion of my home; here we all sit in painful silence. I can see their faces asking why, their silent pleas will not be answered by me. Everyone's gaze left from me to a new visitor at the door, I could hear Selphie's tiny voice squeak from surprise. I could care less who it was. There was one thing they didn't know about me and that in my home death was assessable everywhere. Placing my hand underneath the chair I was sitting on; I found an item which would insure my departure.

Requesting to excuse myself, I went upstairs back into the bathroom. I noticed the tub was still filled with water. Climbing into the tub, I realised how frigid it had become. Shuddering to myself slightly, I sat down in the icy water. I heard a knock on the door; it was a male.

It would only take a minute, and I told the visitor exactly that. I brought the blade to my throat and cut deeply into my neck watching in awe as the water turned crimson. I didn't care who this visitor was; I knew in my heart that it was Sora, but he was too late to save me; inside, I was already dead.

_If I could change I would take back the pain I would,  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,  
If I could take all the shame to the grave_.

_Authors Notes:_

Man, another suicide fic; I honestly don't know why I keep writing these, but they just seem to work into the story so nicely! I have one worry though; I don't think that quote from Sora's promise was correct. I searched the internet for an hour and a half looking for the quote however couldn't find it, so it's only from memory, if it's wrong, sorry. sweatdrops Actually, in the time I took for look for the quote I could have probably just kicked Ansem's ass and found out first hand shrugs, common sense is over rated sometimes.

Also, the large paragraphs from the song, they are actual stanza's to the song, they are sung quickly, I wasn't being lazy and just putting stanza's together because I had a lack to write smiles. I'm sure everyone has heard this song, but if you haven't, pretty much every second line in a sense is the ever popular 'echo' effect that many bands use; I thought about putting 's around the words, but frankly, they just looked painfully out of place.

Actually, I'm a little curious, was Kairi saved in this fic? I mean, Selphie and company managed to save her from drowning herself, maybe this visitor who she thinks might be Sora saved her too? I'll leave it to your imagination, who knows, this might be my newest story, I might add on to it, because that would be good eh? Having Sora walk in squeals hmm, actually, that's not a bad idea really…..

3 Candace

_Oh, one more note: for anyone who received two story alerts for this fic sorry; I realised a_ **huge**_ lyrical mistake which would have drove me insane, and had to delete the fic; there were major problems uploading it, the song wouldn't format decently so I wouldn't be able to even just replace it; sorry for any problems this may have caused!_


End file.
